Confessions of a “Grown Up” Wanna Be

I feel like an impostor.  I thought I was the only one who felt this way, but admission of my malady to many friends and family have disabused me of this view.  My body, gray hair, aches and pains and the fact that I have 3 grown, mature, responsible and successful children and 8 grandchildren confirm that I am an adult…or at least that I am old enough to be one.  But, sometimes I just can’t convince myself that I am equal to the challenge.  It’s hard to explain but easy to feel.

I once saw a picture in Sports Illustrated  of a man who was very overweight.  He said that he had the heart of a racehorse but it was housed in the body of a pachyderm.  I sometimes feel the same way….a little kid housed in the body of an old man.  My mind is stuck at a level half my age but my body keeps racing toward the junk heap.

Years ago I came home from a tough day at work that had capped off an even tougher week.  My wife informed me that the drain in our sons’ bathroom was stopped up.  Reluctantly I got my pipe wrench, inherited from my Father’s tool box, and proceeded to take apart the pipe and expose the grease trap, the presumed source of the problem.  As I attempted to break free the rusted pipe connection, the wrench slipped and my hand struck another pipe, ripping my knuckles open.  I winced, thought bad thoughts, tightened the wrench and tried again.  The pipe broke free, but the previously clogged pipe opened up, dumping water and the source of the blocked pipe in my face.  I immediately said, “I’m not sure I want to be the Daddy anymore.”  I certainly didn’t mean what I said but I felt it at the time.

I guess I’m saying that regardless of age, real or perceived maturity level or degree of capability,  I or we, if you want to join me in an honest revelation,  often feel inadequate to the task at hand.  There is probably a great application to today’s economic difficulties faced by our nation in these thoughts.  There is probably even a pretty good life lesson or sermon here also.  But, I will choose to forgo pursuing either for now.  I simply will say that I already feel better and more mature for having gotten this off my aged and sagging chest.

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